Convention '72

Good morning ladies and gentlemen
This is Walter Clondite
From Convention Hall, Miami Beach
Bringing you the first get-together convention
Of Republicans and Democrats alike
We have Henry Kissinger and Vice-president Agnew
Standing by on the right side of the Convention Hall
Come in David Stinkley
Thank you, Walter
Ah, Mr Kissinger, amid this historic moment
With all the pomp and grandeur
Of the political system of America all around you
Tell us Sir, what are your innermost thoughts
At the very moment
Gotta find a woman
Gotta find a woman
Gotta find a woman
Gotta find a woman
Vice-president Agnew
What are your thoughts, Sir
Right on, right on
Mr Agnew, when you heard the rumour
That President Nixon
Might not select you as his running mate again
What did you say to him
You never should have promised to me
Give it here, don't hold back, now
Give it here, don't say nothin'
Just give it here, come on
Ah, Mr Agnew if you were in Senator McGovern's place
Who would you have chosen as a running mate
Bertha
Bertha, who
Bertha Butt
Who, she, Sir
One of the Butt Sisters
Do you agree, Mr Kissinger
Gotta find a woman
Gotta find a woman
Gotta find a woman
Gotta find a woman
Thank you, Henry Kissinger and Vice-president Agnew
Back to you, Walter
Thank you, David
Now, Sidney Bruntley is over on the left side
He has Sargent Shriver with him
Sargent Shriver, what did you say to Senator McGovern
When he finally asked you to be his running mate
You just call on me brother
When you need a hand
How did you finalize your agreement with Senator McGovern
Sealed with a kiss
Oh, oh, shades of excitement
One final question, Sir
What kind of offer did Senator McGovern make you
He made me an offer I couldn't refuse
Sidney, forgive me but our roving reporter
Larry Reasoning has Martha Mitchell on the microphone
Take it away, Larry Reasoning
Ah, Mrs Mitchell, would you like to talk to our listeners
I'll sock it to you, Daddy
Now that your husband has resigned from politics
How do you feel, Ma'am
I'm the happiest girl in the whole U.S.A.
Mrs Mitchell your complaint
Was that your husband
Didn't have any time to spend with you
Now that you are alone, Ma'am
What do you talk about
Aaaaaaaaaaaa......
Well, I can understand that, Mrs Mitchell
Now back to you, Walter
Sidney Bruntley is on the left side of the floor
With Mr and Mrs Eagleton and Senator McGovern
Take it away, Sidney
Thank you, Walter
Senator McGovern, how did you feel
When you and Senator Eagleton first seperated, Sir
Alone again, naturally
Oh, yes, what did you do then
Called the doctor over
And what did your physician advise
Put the lime in the coconut and call me in the morning
Everyone was turning you down, Sir
If Sergeant Shriver has also refused
Who whould you have turned to then
A Horse with no name
Oh, I love horses
Now, Senator Eagleton
How does one feel in the morning
When his world has been shattered, Sir
Weeeeell, you wake up in the morning
And your hands are shaking
And your nerves are all up tight
Well then, Senator, why didn't you resign immediately
Am I wrong for trying to hold on
To the best thing I ever had
Yes, and what are your feelings now
Towards the people who apposed you
They smile in your face
All the time they want to take your place
The back stabbers
One final question to you, Senator Eagleton
What did you say to the newspaper columnist
When you met him face to face
Lier, lier, lier
Senator McGovern, what are your feelings on that, Sir
How can a loser ever win
Mrs, Eagleton, would you like to answer him
Who do you think you are, Mr Big Stuff
Who do you think will vote for Senator McGovern
Now that your husband is out
Gypsies, tramps and thieves
Ma'am, do you think you could have done more
For your husband during those trying times
I know it's not my fault
I did my best
Thank you very much
Now back to you, Walter
There's a camotion on the left side of the floor
We've got Senator Kennedy standing with Jane Ronda
Take it away David Stinkly
Ah, Senator Kennedy
People are talking about your political future
Because of your good looks, your smile
And the sound of your voice
Why
Aaaaaaaah
And the magnificent
If you decide to run for President in '76
Who will be your campaign manager
The candy man
Ah, Miss Ronda, Miss Ronda
Just one question, please
What do you think of President Nixon
I don't know how to love him
Ah, thank you Miss Ronda
Ah, ah, Mr Kissinger
What are you doing all the way over here
On this side of the hall
Gotta find a woman
Gotta find a woman
Gotta find a woman
Gotta find a woman
Ah, that it for here, Walter
Thank you, David
Thank you, Sidney
Thank you, Larry
Thank you, America
We now return you to your local stations